Hogtown Blood Bowl League feed http://manager.thehobble.com/ Blood bowl league RSS feed en-EN http://www.rssboard.org/rss-specification Mon, 21 Oct 2019 06:40:36 -0700 OBBLM 0.91 Match: Mount Royal Habitants (3) vs. Guinness Stouts (0) REFEREE RUINS PERFECTLY VIOLENT GAME! Both teams are issuing an official complaint as no less than 6 players were ejected by a referee who refused to respect the time-honoured tradition of “kicking a player when he’s down.” Symon “The Stickler” Stickings set the tone early when he ejected the infamous Sir Oinks-a-lot himself early in the match for an innocuous trotter-step that merely left a Habs lineman stunned. Subsequent fouls received similar treatment. By then, having seen Paddy Poundcake get pounded and Sean Shortbread forcibly shortened, most of the Stouts players quickly realized that ejection-by-ref was the fastest and most effective way to guarantee survival. Whereupon the doughty fellows redoubled their efforts to foul in the most blatant ways imaginable. Unfortunately, the Habs victims suffered no lasting injuries while the Flings’ dwindling numbers and the Habs’ deep bench gave the humans a decisive advantage in the second half. Mount Royal’s defence forced two turnovers and scored off each one to give their team their first win of the season. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-10-17 19:36:04 Match: Shyish Spine Tappers (2) vs. Da Dragonback Bombas (0) The Bombas attempted to bribe the stadium attendants to close their doors. In an attempt to trick the Spine Tappers into not appearing and gaining that sweet default win. Unfortunately another venue was quickly found and the game went ahead as scheduled. Winning the coin toss the Spine Tappers decided to receive. They had discovered that the Bombas coffers were running low and that if they could quickly remove Smiley & the Red Bomba, they would have free reign on the pitch. Their plans worked flawlessly, both secret weapons were off the pitch in a matter of turns, and even Knumbnuts was removed, the one-two punch of Ramuhv'Ya Playa & King Tukurlynemen knocked him out cold, never to return back on the field. The Bombas then tried to bribe the time-keepers, however they failed to take into consideration the riotous nature of the crowd, and were instead kept on the pitch to satisfy the bloodthirsty. The second half the coach of the Bombas attempted a thing he had recently read called Taktics, however he had failed to notices that they came from the playbook of the Cothique Falcons, an elven team known for passing. By spreading out, they had inadvertently given the Spine Tappers a feast of blocks on a silver platter. As one-by-one the remaining goblins were removed, Dunxgit falling ignominiously underneath the heel of Bill Blombie. Final score to the Shyish Spine Tappers 2-0. Once again seeing their team lose, the true die-hard fans are all that remain for the Bombas who one day hope to hire a partner for Knumbnuts... maybe one day... There are rumours flying that the death of Dunxgit was a paid hit, a flash of gold was seen trading hands (claws?) between Razbuk and Vincent VanGhoul. Who had spent the entire half together in the Spine Tapper end-zone. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-10-16 19:16:55 Match: Da Orc Kestra (3) vs. Drakwald Demons (1) DA ORK KESTRA BANISHES THE DRAKWALD DEMONS by Arwen Anders, Spike! Sideline Reporter The day was clear and calm as the Orc Kestra and the Drakwald Demons took the field for the opening drive of their Interdivisional match. A delicious smell wafted from the Demons' dugout across the field, where the Chosen of Tzeentch Loutrak Belariss slowly stirred the contents of a recently-appropriated Halfling Hot Pot, the limbs of its former owner boiling slowly in its contents; and marauder Vargim leered at the Bloodweiser Babe as she set up a keg in the dugout. Whether just a twist of fate, intercession of the Chaos Gods, or the quasi-mortal hand of Belariss itself, no sooner had Jus' Hatin' kicked the ball to Demons to begin the match when the heavens opened and a deluge poured forth, soaking the players, ball, and pitch (and this reporter!) near-instantly; the storm did not abate until the game had long ended. The tone of the match was set early on, as Asterion the minotaur knocked down No-Hands Brawns, giving Globbag the oppotunity to put the boot in and KO the hapless Orc blitzer. The Kestra answered this with violence in kind, but uncharacteristically failed to forget about the ball, when Feelix Meddlesum was thrown deep into the Demons' backfield, charging alone against Nanilgan Warsurge, the lone elf renegade and ball carrier. This burst of tactical acuity did not challenge the orc playbook overmuch, as the Kestra hit hard and fast, in no way intimidated by the trio of towering terrors on the Demon's front line. Eager to give their marauders a break, quick as it may have be, Warsurge threw a quick pass to Ueeqekch Lonebreaker, and the Skaven ran the ball in for the first touchdown of the game. The crowd was clearly on the Kestra's side, which should have been obvious from the sea of green skins in the stands, though this reporter can be forgiven for having mistaken some of the fans for Nurgle's chosen through the teeming rain. Buoyed to greater heights of frenzy by the Orcish cheerleaders, the Kestra retook the field intending to make the Demons pay for their insult. In blood, though that goes without saying - they're orcs, after all. After receiving the kickoff, the Kestra did what they do best and flattened the Demons' line of scrimmage - though this reporter must point out that none of the three big guys were part of that line, so the carnage mostly consisted of Black Orcs punching Marauders in the face. It was the newly returned No-Hands Brawns that picked up the ball, belying his name, and started to push forward through the fallen bodies. It was Warsurge who shoved through the ragged cage to knock Brawns down, but when he attempted to slip back out before revenge could be doled out he tripped over a mushroom and knocked himself out. I'd imagine the coach had harsh words for Brawns after the match ended. The Kestra seemed to really find their stride at that point, with team captain and preternaturally dodgy Jus' Hatin' retrieving the ball and starting to plod slowly toward the Demons' end zone. Meddlesum put the boots to a fallen Grukorg the Chaos Ogre - aided by no fewer than FIVE of his teammates, but only managed to stun the great creature. Gio Roast-a-Teeny lashed out at the traitorous Gurukk, who had turned from the proper workshop of Gork and Mork in favour the Chaos Gods, and dealt him a concussion whose effects will not soon abate. As the clock ran down on the first half, Hatin' pushed slowly but surely toward the scoring line. A last-ditch blitz from the marauder Vargrim put his scoring chances in jeopardy, but Hatin' retained his feet and dove across the line just as the bell sounded to end the fist half. With the Demons missing a significant number of their more fragile players, their defensive setup was concentrated in the centre of the pitch and they looked poised to counterattack rather than to weather an initial onslaught. The roars of the Kestra fans once again pushed their morale higher, counteracting some of the hunger pangs caused by the Halfing Hot Pot in the Demons' dugout. As the half opened, the kick fell short and a touchback was taken by Hatin', and a trio of Black Orcs pushed through the paper-thin line of scrimmage and Broken Grukog's ribs, taking him out of the game, and indeed, next week's match. Kestra showed a little more discipline in the start of the second half, and this reporter posits that the lack of viable targets kept them from getting too focused on the violence of the game, though the goblin Jisippy Hurty took every opportunity to kick, punch, and stab any opponent unlucky enough to be on the ground - though only when he could count on the assistance of at least a couple of his teammates. Though the Demons fought a valiant guerilla defense against the green tide, it was not enough to stop the Kestra from pushing through to their backfield, and a quick pass from Hatin' to Hurty was caught and run in to pull the Kestra ahead. Once more, the waves of cheers buoyed the spirits of the Kestra, and the deep kick to the Demons fell just short of their goal line. Warsurge made a valiant effort, grabbing the ball and moving it upfield, searching for Lonebreaker on the wide end of the pitch, far away from the majority of the Orcs who were busy mauling the Demons' marauders. He launched it into the air, but it was plucked out of the sky by Jus' Hatin', who ran for the end zone. It was at this moment that the skies split, and a lightning bolt called from the heavens by the Chaos Wizard on the sidelines struck Hatin' full on. The orc was knocked senseless, but somehow not injured. Still, with no Demons nearby, Hurty was able to grab the ball and scamper into the end zone just before the final bell, leaving time for a kickoff and once last chance for the bedraggled Demons. Alas, any moral victory was to be denied. The Kestra's kick fell just over the line, and as it soared through the air, the orcs dove into action, Blitzing the hapless Demons. No fewer than three orcs crossed the line of scrimmage to the area of the ball, and it was Pee-yoter Chopovsky that caught the kick as it fell, putting an end to any hopes the Demons or their fans might have for a miracle touchdown or pass. Final score: Da Orc Kestra 3 - Drakwald Demons 1 http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-10-16 03:38:50 Match: Dreadfort Flayers (3) vs. Ratta Pakka (0) The Dreadfort Flayers lined up, certain in the desire to acquire rat pelts. The recently ravaged Ratta Pakka, flush with inducement cash, stuffing as much as they could into the pockets of the refs. Fists flew, necks were stepped on, blood flowed! The Rats, punching far above their weight class, were able to take two chaos warriors out of the game. Even with the injuries and the fouls however, they were unable to stop the advance of the back line beastmen. Horns connected, rats went airborne, the stampede couldn't be stopped. Play of the game was awarded to Mukaox on the Flayers. In one turn injuring a player and scoring a touchdown was a truely inspired expression of the sport. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-10-11 20:53:48 Match: Da Nunga Jungaz (2) vs. Lords Smellington (0) These two rookie teams were eager to get started and prove to the league that they belong. The setting for a game between Orcs and Nurgle couldn't have been more perfect as the weather was just awful due to the pouring rain. With Da Nunga Jungaz winning the coin flip, they decided to kick the ball first in hoping that the Nurgle wouldn't be able to handle the ball in the rain. The 1st half started really tight with both teams playing very conservative and going back and forth without making much ground on either side. It wasn't until the Nurgle made a poorly timed block that led to the Nurgle player taking a fall and creating an opening for the Orcs. The Orcs would take advantage of the opportunity to score the first TD of the game. Slowly the KO's and injuries started piling up for the Nurgle which made it pretty easy for the Orcs to take control of the game in the 2nd half and score their 2nd TD. Da Nunga Jungaz have made some noise and teams are starting to take notice. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-10-11 20:22:06 Match: Jawbreakers (2) vs. The Violent Femmes (1) With their home stadium temporarily unavailable, the Jawbreakers hired out another venue and hosted the Violent Femmes in the second round of this twelfth season. Early in the match the Jawbreakers had Horatio cast fireball early in the half and it missed by a margin - by the second half he'd fallen asleep and completely missed the rest of the game! Seems like wizards of any sort are not providing the desired results. After several attempts at recovering the ball that didn't do enough - the Violent Femmes scored leaving a couple turns in which the slann bizarrely setup to score in one turn when they had two! After a one sided pitch invasion to begin the second half - the Jawbreakers took a risk to score early with a linefrog and were fortunate a second time to blitz the ball free only to see it bounce into a waiting catchers arms. After careful deliberation they concluded their drive with a hand off touchdown score. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-10-09 20:50:52 Match: Shyish Spine Tappers (1) vs. Nuln Night Runners (2) Fans turned out in droves for this subterranean stadium sensation! Thermal geysers launched players into the air as the crowd bayed for blood! The Nuln Night Runners were able to take an early lead after the Shyish Spine Tappers repeatedly failed to pick up the ball. But by the end of the first half, the shambling stars had managed to tie it up 1-1, and killed Snaps the Linerat for good measure! With a wave of his staff, the Shyish necromancer summoned Snaps back to the pitch, but as a zombie playing for the Tappers. The second half opened with bloodthirsty fans invading the pitch, stunning nearly half of the Spine Tappers, leaving an entire flank wide open! A pair of gutter runners raced through, but the Tappers slowly recovered and began their own bloodthirsty work, injuring and knocking out several rats. Feeling the pressure, the thrower Embergrip passed to Blightrunner who put the Night Runners back in the lead. Down a point, the Spine Tappers pushed a shambling cage up the field, while the rats ran to and fro, trying to keep the Tappers back without getting in grabbing range. When a zombie went too far and fell over (possibly a rotten hamstring), the skaven pounced, gaining possession and rushing the ball well out of reach. The Spine Tappers took vengeance on the rats (a blitzer getting launched down field by a geyser), but it was too little too late. The Nuln Night Runners took it 2-1, but at what cost? http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-10-03 20:03:34 Match: The Doom Flayers (3) vs. Woody Quarrelsons (0) Talk about a game to separate the saplings from the great oaks! From the get go the Rats were out for a nibble of sweet sweet victory. Outmatched and out classed, there was only so much dancing the wood elves could do, especially after seeing the mighty Farblast chopped down in the first half. While a hard and tough game, the fans seemed to love it! http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-10-02 19:59:35 Match: Lords Smellington (0) vs. Guinness Stouts (2) STOUTS VICTORY SETS UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS FOR SEASON The Guinness Stouts arrived at Smellington Stadium with one objective - leave with most of the bodies they arrived with. But the Stouts managed to pull of a 2-0 victory over the Lords Smellington in a stunning upset that caused many a fan to spill their pints in disbelief. The Guinness Master Brewer's crafty plan of serving free beer during the game caused the Rotter players to stumble around the pitch more than usual, resulting in dropped balls which the plucky Halflings were able to capitalize on halfway through the first half by Connor Cookiesnatcher. It was quickly followed up with another touchdown by Niall Nutcracker in the second half which also saw Jelly O'Deli dispatch the unfortunate Glenn with a mighty kick to the shins. Despite the flying start, the Stouts are worried that fans may expect more wins this season. Team captain Lenny Lardbottom was quick to dispel the notion that his team are contenders, noting in a post-match interview "it would be great if I live to the last game". The Stouts travel again next week to Mount Royal to take on the Habitants. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-10-01 18:58:37 Match: Haughty and Naughty (0) vs. Dreadfort Flayers (3) Rupert takes the field for his first ever game. Eager for a long and illustrious career. The game starts. First kickoff. A troll throws a rock from the crowd. Rupert killed outright. That's the way she goes. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-09-30 20:43:16 Match: The Blightsworn Scourge (1) vs. Karak Azul Miner Leaguers (1) The Karak Azul Miner Leaguers started off the game with a powerful drive and scored a turn 3 TD much to the dismay of the Blightsworn Scourge. While preparing to kick to the BSS, an excitable dwarven fan used a home-made trebuchet to hurl a rock onto the pitch. Alan Allspewing looked towards the sky and waxed poetic about the virtues of a plague-filled horizon shortly before the rock took his head clean off. After the kickoff, Legsy Longhorn managed to wrangle the ball and push up field. A few opportunistic shoulder checks into the stands left a pair of Miner Leaguers shuffling off this mortal coil and ascending into that great big beard in the sky. Nuffle, always watching, decided to put an end to our fun and games and proceeded to curse both teams with supremely improbable bad luck. The first to experience this cruel change in the winds of fate was the only dwarven blitzer able to potentially intercept Legsy and his desperate sprint to the goal line. He charged confidently at his prey standing alone in the back half of the dwarven line and just as he primed himself for the block he tripped on his beard no less than three times in a row. Legsy managed secure a TD bringing this hotly contested game to a tie. The second half was a clusterf*** of epic proportions and basically devolved into both team fruitlessly flailing their arms wildly at each other in an attempt to assert dominance. Despite all the best efforts neither team was able to secure the win, but the closely fought match riled up the fans and both team's popularity has surged in the aftermath. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-09-30 18:17:12 Match: Riften's Riff Raff (4) vs. Da Dragonback Bombas (1) Hearing Stories from Knumbknuts the troll and his games with the Yella-Roks. The Bombas attempted their own version of the Submarine, play. However Knumbnuts lived up to his name and failed to instill that the final goal was to win. Instead, turn by turn, the goblins were paraded off the pitch, ending the first half down 1-0. Their attempts to bribe the ref fell on deaf ears, as it seems like the Bomba fans were so disappointed at this first half, that the Bombas started the second with only 3 goblins and a Knumbnuts. However, this was to be their shining moment, for the Gate-ork-aid they drank during the half-time, infused the remaining goblins with the power to overcome, and never again was a goblin sent off the pitch. Upon eeing the many completions and TDs scored by the Riff Raff, Knumbnuts decided that he too was going to join in this "passing" game, throwing Razbuk in to score. However it was too little too late, as the Bombas continue to search for their first win in League play. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-09-27 17:57:15 Match: Midtown Candymen (3) vs. Ratta Pakka (2) An exciting game for fans last night, with both halves ended by agile shenanigans on both teams behalves. The first half was coming to a close with the Midtown Candymen up in score, so Ratta Pakka's gutter runners did what gutter runners do best: -dodge through tackle zones to retrieve a ball from another tackle zone -go for it a few times -throw to another gutter runner who is also in two tackle zones -Dodge directly through a gauntlet of tackle zones to get the TD The lizards, not to be outdone in the second half, pulled a miraculous turn 16 TD in a similar fashion: -chain push to get in range -dodge through a series of tackle zones & a go for it (STUNTY BASTARDS) -Hand-off into another tackle zone -More dodging to escape and make a break for the end zone While the number of casualties was shockingly light, those that did get hit went down hard. The leading (and only) rat thrower, Cool Hands Dean, was taken down early in the match. The apothecary worked his best to help the little man recover, but efforts were in vain and he spent the rest of the match trying to piece together his AV and his dignity. Another, lesser linerat got taken down later in the match with an AG break, but according to union rules the apothecary only works on rats who don't report back to management. Snitches do NOT get stitches. The rookie Saurus, Friendly Neighbourhood Watch Merchant, was sadly killed late in the match when his coach sent him to play alone with the opposing rat ogre. He will not be missed. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-09-27 05:11:44 Match: Da Nunga Jungaz (1) vs. Mount Royal Habitants (0) ORCISH FANS ARE THE DIFFERENCE FOR NUNGA JUNGAZ! Welcome sports fans! It was a glorious day for the match between Da Nunga Jungaz and the Mount Royal Habitants. The 1st half was a bloody affair, with Tuk Betsy fracturing the skull of Doug "Mr Norris" Harvey at the line of scrimmage, and Bernie "Boom Boom" Geoffrion taking revenge by fouling the blizter Orloft Razzo to death. Mount Royal successfully held off Nunga Jungaz' drive and the 1st half ended scoreless. The Habs prepared to receive the ball with a two-man up advantage to start the 2nd half, when Nunga Jungaz fans took matters into their own hands. They invaded the pitch, stunning 7 players out of Mount Royal's 11-man lineup. With no protection and facing down a wave of angry orcs, Jacques "The Snake" Plante hucked a perfectly-thrown long pass downfield at Eduoard "Newsy" Lalonde - who dropped the catch! Da Nunga Jungaz easily recovered possession and started another drive, knocking out Habs as they went. Maurice "The Rocket" Richard blitzed into the cage and surfed the ball carrier, but the orc was caught by Jungaz supporters and ushered back to the dugout, while other orcish fans helpfully hurled the ball straight into the Habs' endzone. Tuk Betsy easily blitzed away the Habs' desperate coverage and scored late in the half. Orcish fans rioted, attempting to close out the game, but the ref generously set the clock back, giving the Habs just enough time to equalize. "Saint Patrick" Roy deftly collected the ball in the midst of a ruck, and lofted it into the air to a downfield Habs blitzer with hands outstretched, ready to run and score the game-tying TD - but Roy's pass was floating and underthrown, and Lineorc Boro Tor made the interception to end the game! Afterwards, it was discovered that Nunga Jungaz fans had murdered all 14,000 Habs fans in the stadium, resulting in the Hab's lower post-game fan factor and the most one-side display of crowd aggression this reporter has seen in years! http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-09-25 21:12:55 Match: Jawbreakers (2) vs. Da Orc Kestra (1) The Jawbreakers hosted Da Orc Kestra for their season opener. After an initial injury caused by Slibli - they managed to continue to take instruments off the pitch - if not in permanent fashion. Many scrambles ensued in the first half, however finally Gio Roast-a-teeny grabbed the ball and made a break for it. The slann wizard failed completely at taking him out - fortunately for the home crowd it only spurred on extraordinary efforts to complete what the fat toad couldn't and the Jawbreakers went in at half time a touchdown up and receiving in the second half. After dancing around in the backfield, tossing the ball back and forth the Orcs finally put on enough pressure to force a quick second touchdown. With a blitz on the ensuing kick-off and the No-hands Brawns living up to his name it seemed inevitable the slann would score a third - but the Orcs pulled themselves together for a strong final drive to score a consolation with the last play of the game. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-09-24 20:38:07 Match: Mighty Mighty Reds (1) vs. Yella-Rok Sun-Eaterz (2) Even in the pouring rain, the fans of the Mighty Reds came out to cheer on their team as they played the surging Yella-Roks. The rain was pelting down making the ball slippery and difficult, but it also smothered the delicious smells of the halfling chef working in the Yella-Rok dugout. It took a few tries but the snotlings were able to pick up the ball and began to move it down pitch. The Mighty Reds using their superior strength and surprising agility to knock their opponents into the crowd and away from the ball. Then on the final turn, Snotticus was able to make it into the end zone and give the Reds a 1-goal lead. However, when the second half started the weather broke into glorious bloodbowl weather, and the smells of the roast bull caused the Mighty Reds to lose focus. Failing to guard their snotlings, Vambag da Claw was able to hunt them down and take them off the pitch. Combined with the delicious distraction, the Yella-Roks were able to score a quick touchdown. Grushk Dwarfkilla able to pull off one of his rare passes. This led to the Mighty Reds needing to use their second-string snotlings on the pitch. Alas it was not to be, as Vambag continued to hunt down the snotlings while the other Claw found his way to the ball and scored on the final turn. The Yella-Roks saw their opportunity, and a perfect kick was sent deep into the back field. Leaving the Mighty Reds with little recourse other than knocking a few Orcs to the ground. 2-1 for the Yella-Roks! http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-07-11 06:33:54 Match: Mighty Mighty Reds (1) vs. Badland Bullies (2) IT’S ALL OGRE NOW! “Welcome viewers! It’s late in the second half, Badland Bullies are holding onto a 2-1 lead, but it’s the Mighty Mighty Reds’ ball and they will try to engineer overtime! “Black Gobbo, The 3rd of his Name, is the only Snotling left to handle the ball - Ogres form a cage, but the Bullies are swarming around the pocket - Black Gobbo squeaks with terror, runs to “Strong Arm” Big Mike - who reaches down - but he doesn’t throw BG3! Its a hand-off! And Big Mike gently takes the ball! “He winds up...is he...yes! HE THROWS THE BALL! “It’s a perfect spiral and lands right in the breadbasket of Captain Grimskull! The endzone is a few strides away! Can he break through the orcish tackles to freedom? “NO! The Orcs perform a shoestring tackle and the Captain goes down! The ball spills loose in front of Bullies’ thrower, ‘Weird’ Wuzzag. Wuzzag steps forward, picks up the ball and hucks it downfield to safety — “— INTERCEPTION! Big Mike plucks the ball out of the air! He’s searching for a receiver downfield. Captain Grimskull launches himself off the turf and blitzes away the Bullies’ backfield coverage. Uglena Mannish is wide open, waiting for the ball. Big Mike rolls out of the pocket and... “...DISASTER! Moving and throwing the ball is too much for Big Mike’s ogre brain to handle! He trips up, hits the turf and the ball spills from his grasp as the clock hits zero! Game over! Bullies survive and are going to the finals! “What a finish! Stay tuned next week, viewers, when the Chaos Cup will be on the line!” http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-06-27 09:04:36 Match: Yella-Rok Sun-Eaterz (1) vs. Hogtown Howlers (0) The match began with the rain pouring down for the first half, making both the ball and ground slippery. The speed of the howlers turning against them as their feet failed to find purchase when going for it. Allowing Da Yella-Roks to surround their players cause all kinds of consternation. However the weather wizards were paid off, and the second half turned into some wonderful bloodbowl weather and the methodical stomping of Da Yella-Roks meant that they slowly ground their way up the pitch for a touchdown on the final turn. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-06-11 19:20:22 Match: Averland Black Bears (2) vs. Mighty Mighty Reds (0) "Griff doing Griff things" Code for how Griff took over the match, from turn one blitzing pass the reds line to secure the ball and generally dictating the tempo of the game. http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-06-03 20:39:07 Match: Da Orc Kestra (2) vs. Badland Bullies (0) POST-MATCH INTERVIEW WITH JUS' HATIN' and 'WEIRD' WUZZAG Arwin Anders, Sideline Reporter for Spike! Magazine AA: Jus’ Hatin', 'Weird' Wuzzag, thanks for speaking with me. Now, I don’t usually interview opposing blood bowl players at the same time, but we’re in a bit of a time crunch - JH: ‘ERE WE GO, ‘ERE WE GO, ‘ERE WE GOOOO WW: Gerroff, Hatin’! Nuffin’ fair about dat match! JH: Youz just mad ‘cuz you lost! Looooooooser! WW: I show ya a - * Arwin’s Camera-ogre cuffs both players * AA: Ahem. Thank you, Gronk. As I was saying. Hatin’, your fans played a strong role in the match early on. JH: Huh. Maybe you fink so. Maybe was just Feelix Meddlesum hidin’ in da stands at kickoff. Dat rock, takin’ out deir troll while he watches da ball flying troo da air? Was perfect. AA: I heard the Bullies’ apothecary saying that if it wasn’t for Gobbler’s regeneration, he would have missed the whole game. As it was, he sat nearly the whole first half. That let your own Rickard Whopper have the run of the pitch, wouldn’t you say? JH: Not really. Whopper don’t so much “run” as “lumber.” AA: Over to you, Wuzzag - was the departure of Gobbler difficult to compensate for? WW: Us boyz is ‘ard, and we don’t need no troll. Naw, da problem was dat dese cheeters brought on Ugroth Bolgrot AND HIS CHAINSAW. AA: That’s fair, but the fans did love watching him go after Gorbad and take him out. I hear he’ll be missing his next game? WW: Dat’s right. AA: But one of your goblins fouled him out of the game, isn’t that right? WW: Hurr. AA: Which goblin was that? It happened in the middle of a circle of orcs, so it was hard to make out his kit. WW: Not sure, m’self. Don’t matter. Gobbos is gobbos; dey’z all da same. AA: And then as the first half ground to a halt and it became clear that the Kestra – JH: Da ORC Kestra! AA: Yes, that’s right, I’m sorry. As it became clear that da Orc Kestra would score at the end of the half, two of your players (*checks her notepad*) Gorgut and Scarfang Spleenrippa both… ran AWAY from the ruck? WW: Ster-a-tee-jick with-drawl, da coach sez. No chance ta stop da goal, so ‘e tells dem boyz ta keep safe and make da ovver team work fer da hitz. AA: It kept them safe for a bit. JH: Nuffle seed dem, dough. He got ‘em in da end! In da second ‘alf, Scarfang tripped on a mushroom and got knocked outta da game, and same ting happened to Gorgut! Hurr hurr. WW: Shurrup, you! Lissen. Nuffle gives, and Nuffle take away, of somefin’ like dat. JH: ‘E also took away yer last chance to score in da first half. Gobbler came back on in da last turn, but was TOO STUPID ta frow yer gobboz! Hurr. WW: *growling, then eyeing the camera-ogre warily* AA: Well, let’s talk about that. Hatin’, da Orc Kestra’s fans were the rowdiest, but remarkably peaceful during the Pitch Invasion that started the second half. Fully half of your team’s players were left stunned on the pitch, but not a single one of the Bullies was affected. Are the Bullies’ fans just… ahem… “’arder” than yours? JH: NO WAY. Dey just knew dat we dinna need da help. Dey prefer dat we do da crushin’. Hurr. AA: Early in the second half, the Bullies’ fumbled a drive, but seemed confident that they’d be able to recover. The ball was in the middle of a pretty solid ruck, with players on both sides, and da Orc Kestra was running out of steam. But then, you managed to snag the ball and slip away from the Bullies’ players, and into a pretty solidly caged position. How did you manage it? WW: Dat’s right. Dat was some ELF-LEVEL-BULLSHIT right dere. (editor’s note: Actual quote from Trev on game night.) JH: *shrugs* I iz dodgy. Thanks be ta Nuffle. Also, Gork and Mork. But mostly Nuffle. AA: But that was nearly… supernatural. JH: *grins* AA: So, Wuzzag with the game grinding down, the Kestra- JH: DA ORC KESTRA AA: Right, right. Da Orc Kestra up by a couple of players, and Bullies falling left and right, what was your game plan? WW: Really, we’z just tryin’ ta score. And by score, I mean take out some of DA KESTRA playaz. JH: DA ORC KESTRA!! WW: Hurr. Yeah, whateva. We just started tryin’ ta hit and maim, and bloody dem. And if, maybe, we get our handz on da ball, den we try to tie it up. AA: But they kept it away from you. WW: Yup. Doze gobboz day added after deir last game wuz not bad. Whopper trows in Meddlesum, who runz it in to close out day game. Not our finest moment. JH: IT WAS *OUR* FINEST MOMENT. AA: Would you say they earned the victory? Did they want it more? WW: Naw. But Hatin’ hasn’t had much to gloat about dis season. Figgered we’d give him a morale boost. Hurr. JH: Why you- AA: And we’ll end it there. Gentle-orcs, thanks for your time. JH&WW (together): HEY! WHO YOU CALLIN’ GENTLE?! http://manager.thehobble.com/ 2019-05-24 05:22:12