REFEREE RUINS PERFECTLY VIOLENT GAME!

Both teams are issuing an official complaint as no less than 6 players were ejected by a referee who refused to respect the time-honoured tradition of “kicking a player when he’s down.”

Symon “The Stickler” Stickings set the tone early when he ejected the infamous Sir Oinks-a-lot himself early in the match for an innocuous trotter-step that merely left a Habs lineman stunned. Subsequent fouls received similar treatment.

By then, having seen Paddy Poundcake get pounded and Sean Shortbread forcibly shortened, most of the Stouts players quickly realized that ejection-by-ref was the fastest and most effective way to guarantee survival. Whereupon the doughty fellows redoubled their efforts to foul in the most blatant ways imaginable.

Unfortunately, the Habs victims suffered no lasting injuries while the Flings’ dwindling numbers and the Habs’ deep bench gave the humans a decisive advantage in the second half. Mount Royal’s defence forced two turnovers and scored off each one to give their team their first win of the season.

The Bombas attempted to bribe the stadium attendants to close their doors. In an attempt to trick the Spine Tappers into not appearing and gaining that sweet default win. Unfortunately another venue was quickly found and the game went ahead as scheduled.

Winning the coin toss the Spine Tappers decided to receive. They had discovered that the Bombas coffers were running low and that if they could quickly remove Smiley & the Red Bomba, they would have free reign on the pitch. Their plans worked flawlessly, both secret weapons were off the pitch in a matter of turns, and even Knumbnuts was removed, the one-two punch of Ramuhv'Ya Playa & King Tukurlynemen knocked him out cold, never to return back on the field. The Bombas then tried to bribe the time-keepers, however they failed to take into consideration the riotous nature of the crowd, and were instead kept on the pitch to satisfy the bloodthirsty.

The second half the coach of the Bombas attempted a thing he had recently read called Taktics, however he had failed to notices that they came from the playbook of the Cothique Falcons, an elven team known for passing. By spreading out, they had inadvertently given the Spine Tappers a feast of blocks on a silver platter. As one-by-one the remaining goblins were removed, Dunxgit falling ignominiously underneath the heel of Bill Blombie.

Final score to the Shyish Spine Tappers 2-0.

Once again seeing their team lose, the true die-hard fans are all that remain for the Bombas who one day hope to hire a partner for Knumbnuts... maybe one day...


There are rumours flying that the death of Dunxgit was a paid hit, a flash of gold was seen trading hands (claws?) between Razbuk and Vincent VanGhoul. Who had spent the entire half together in the Spine Tapper end-zone.

DA ORK KESTRA BANISHES THE DRAKWALD DEMONS
by Arwen Anders, Spike! Sideline Reporter

The day was clear and calm as the Orc Kestra and the Drakwald Demons took the field for the opening drive of their Interdivisional match. A delicious smell wafted from the Demons' dugout across the field, where the Chosen of Tzeentch Loutrak Belariss slowly stirred the contents of a recently-appropriated Halfling Hot Pot, the limbs of its former owner boiling slowly in its contents; and marauder Vargim leered at the Bloodweiser Babe as she set up a keg in the dugout.

Whether just a twist of fate, intercession of the Chaos Gods, or the quasi-mortal hand of Belariss itself, no sooner had Jus' Hatin' kicked the ball to Demons to begin the match when the heavens opened and a deluge poured forth, soaking the players, ball, and pitch (and this reporter!) near-instantly; the storm did not abate until the game had long ended.

The tone of the match was set early on, as Asterion the minotaur knocked down No-Hands Brawns, giving Globbag the oppotunity to put the boot in and KO the hapless Orc blitzer. The Kestra answered this with violence in kind, but uncharacteristically failed to forget about the ball, when Feelix Meddlesum was thrown deep into the Demons' backfield, charging alone against Nanilgan Warsurge, the lone elf renegade and ball carrier. This burst of tactical acuity did not challenge the orc playbook overmuch, as the Kestra hit hard and fast, in no way intimidated by the trio of towering terrors on the Demon's front line. Eager to give their marauders a break, quick as it may have be, Warsurge threw a quick pass to Ueeqekch Lonebreaker, and the Skaven ran the ball in for the first touchdown of the game.

The crowd was clearly on the Kestra's side, which should have been obvious from the sea of green skins in the stands, though this reporter can be forgiven for having mistaken some of the fans for Nurgle's chosen through the teeming rain. Buoyed to greater heights of frenzy by the Orcish cheerleaders, the Kestra retook the field intending to make the Demons pay for their insult. In blood, though that goes without saying - they're orcs, after all.

After receiving the kickoff, the Kestra did what they do best and flattened the Demons' line of scrimmage - though this reporter must point out that none of the three big guys were part of that line, so the carnage mostly consisted of Black Orcs punching Marauders in the face. It was the newly returned No-Hands Brawns that picked up the ball, belying his name, and started to push forward through the fallen bodies. It was Warsurge who shoved through the ragged cage to knock Brawns down, but when he attempted to slip back out before revenge could be doled out he tripped over a mushroom and knocked himself out. I'd imagine the coach had harsh words for Brawns after the match ended.

The Kestra seemed to really find their stride at that point, with team captain and preternaturally dodgy Jus' Hatin' retrieving the ball and starting to plod slowly toward the Demons' end zone. Meddlesum put the boots to a fallen Grukorg the Chaos Ogre - aided by no fewer than FIVE of his teammates, but only managed to stun the great creature. Gio Roast-a-Teeny lashed out at the traitorous Gurukk, who had turned from the proper workshop of Gork and Mork in favour the Chaos Gods, and dealt him a concussion whose effects will not soon abate. As the clock ran down on the first half, Hatin' pushed slowly but surely toward the scoring line. A last-ditch blitz from the marauder Vargrim put his scoring chances in jeopardy, but Hatin' retained his feet and dove across the line just as the bell sounded to end the fist half.

With the Demons missing a significant number of their more fragile players, their defensive setup was concentrated in the centre of the pitch and they looked poised to counterattack rather than to weather an initial onslaught. The roars of the Kestra fans once again pushed their morale higher, counteracting some of the hunger pangs caused by the Halfing Hot Pot in the Demons' dugout. As the half opened, the kick fell short and a touchback was taken by Hatin', and a trio of Black Orcs pushed through the paper-thin line of scrimmage and Broken Grukog's ribs, taking him out of the game, and indeed, next week's match.

Kestra showed a little more discipline in the start of the second half, and this reporter posits that the lack of viable targets kept them from getting too focused on the violence of the game, though the goblin Jisippy Hurty took every opportunity to kick, punch, and stab any opponent unlucky enough to be on the ground - though only when he could count on the assistance of at least a couple of his teammates. Though the Demons fought a valiant guerilla defense against the green tide, it was not enough to stop the Kestra from pushing through to their backfield, and a quick pass from Hatin' to Hurty was caught and run in to pull the Kestra ahead.

Once more, the waves of cheers buoyed the spirits of the Kestra, and the deep kick to the Demons fell just short of their goal line. Warsurge made a valiant effort, grabbing the ball and moving it upfield, searching for Lonebreaker on the wide end of the pitch, far away from the majority of the Orcs who were busy mauling the Demons' marauders. He launched it into the air, but it was plucked out of the sky by Jus' Hatin', who ran for the end zone. It was at this moment that the skies split, and a lightning bolt called from the heavens by the Chaos Wizard on the sidelines struck Hatin' full on. The orc was knocked senseless, but somehow not injured. Still, with no Demons nearby, Hurty was able to grab the ball and scamper into the end zone just before the final bell, leaving time for a kickoff and once last chance for the bedraggled Demons.

Alas, any moral victory was to be denied. The Kestra's kick fell just over the line, and as it soared through the air, the orcs dove into action, Blitzing the hapless Demons. No fewer than three orcs crossed the line of scrimmage to the area of the ball, and it was Pee-yoter Chopovsky that caught the kick as it fell, putting an end to any hopes the Demons or their fans might have for a miracle touchdown or pass.

Final score: Da Orc Kestra 3 - Drakwald Demons 1

The Dreadfort Flayers lined up, certain in the desire to acquire rat pelts. The recently ravaged Ratta Pakka, flush with inducement cash, stuffing as much as they could into the pockets of the refs. Fists flew, necks were stepped on, blood flowed!

The Rats, punching far above their weight class, were able to take two chaos warriors out of the game. Even with the injuries and the fouls however, they were unable to stop the advance of the back line beastmen. Horns connected, rats went airborne, the stampede couldn't be stopped.

Play of the game was awarded to Mukaox on the Flayers. In one turn injuring a player and scoring a touchdown was a truely inspired expression of the sport.

These two rookie teams were eager to get started and prove to the league that they belong. The setting for a game between Orcs and Nurgle couldn't have been more perfect as the weather was just awful due to the pouring rain. With Da Nunga Jungaz winning the coin flip, they decided to kick the ball first in hoping that the Nurgle wouldn't be able to handle the ball in the rain.

The 1st half started really tight with both teams playing very conservative and going back and forth without making much ground on either side. It wasn't until the Nurgle made a poorly timed block that led to the Nurgle player taking a fall and creating an opening for the Orcs. The Orcs would take advantage of the opportunity to score the first TD of the game.

Slowly the KO's and injuries started piling up for the Nurgle which made it pretty easy for the Orcs to take control of the game in the 2nd half and score their 2nd TD.

Da Nunga Jungaz have made some noise and teams are starting to take notice.

With their home stadium temporarily unavailable, the Jawbreakers hired out another venue and hosted the Violent Femmes in the second round of this twelfth season.

Early in the match the Jawbreakers had Horatio cast fireball early in the half and it missed by a margin - by the second half he'd fallen asleep and completely missed the rest of the game! Seems like wizards of any sort are not providing the desired results.

After several attempts at recovering the ball that didn't do enough - the Violent Femmes scored leaving a couple turns in which the slann bizarrely setup to score in one turn when they had two!

After a one sided pitch invasion to begin the second half - the Jawbreakers took a risk to score early with a linefrog and were fortunate a second time to blitz the ball free only to see it bounce into a waiting catchers arms. After careful deliberation they concluded their drive with a hand off touchdown score.

Fans turned out in droves for this subterranean stadium sensation! Thermal geysers launched players into the air as the crowd bayed for blood!

The Nuln Night Runners were able to take an early lead after the Shyish Spine Tappers repeatedly failed to pick up the ball. But by the end of the first half, the shambling stars had managed to tie it up 1-1, and killed Snaps the Linerat for good measure! With a wave of his staff, the Shyish necromancer summoned Snaps back to the pitch, but as a zombie playing for the Tappers.

The second half opened with bloodthirsty fans invading the pitch, stunning nearly half of the Spine Tappers, leaving an entire flank wide open! A pair of gutter runners raced through, but the Tappers slowly recovered and began their own bloodthirsty work, injuring and knocking out several rats. Feeling the pressure, the thrower Embergrip passed to Blightrunner who put the Night Runners back in the lead.

Down a point, the Spine Tappers pushed a shambling cage up the field, while the rats ran to and fro, trying to keep the Tappers back without getting in grabbing range. When a zombie went too far and fell over (possibly a rotten hamstring), the skaven pounced, gaining possession and rushing the ball well out of reach. The Spine Tappers took vengeance on the rats (a blitzer getting launched down field by a geyser), but it was too little too late.

The Nuln Night Runners took it 2-1, but at what cost?